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Bondage and Female Rope Tops

Dominant Women

A dominatrix with her riding crop.

The common perception of a rope top is that it is a male-dominated position.  Women are typically thought to be the submissives or bottoms, but is this common thought accurate?  Are there preconceived notions of gender “norms” in the BDSM and bondage community?  What is it like being a female top or dominant in today’s kinky world? 

Female Roles in Bondage and BDSM

Everyone’s first thought of women in BDSM is probably either a fierce dominatrix with her riding crop or a bunny beautifully entangled in bondage. While these are roles that women can fulfill in bondage, it seems to be a commonly perceived notion that women do not usually fit into the dominant role and this could not be further from the truth. 

There are phenomenal female riggers and females are often the "dom/domme/madam" in a dom/sub dynamic.  While the typical dynamic -- or at least the most common dynamic seen in movies -- is the dominant male and submissive female, that really is not the only way these dynamics can work. Not to mention, women inherently have an attention to detail and an eye for what looks good on the body that serves them well as a rigger allowing them to create beautiful bondage art.  

Negative Experiences for Women in Public Events

A sub on his knees in front of his madam.

While some women don’t let negativity get to them, others have sadly kept their bondage and domination private due to responses received at public bondage events.  When approached, some women report being supported when they are performing as a scantily clad bottom while some are told they are preferred in the bottom position after playing the top in a scene. Another common report from women is that while rigging, men feel comfortable to approach them during a scene and ask if they need help.  Let’s be clear, women don’t need help. Domineering women in a top position are perfectly in control of their scene and require the same respect that men are given during their scenes.

A Boundary That Needn’t Be Explained to a Real Dom

A dominatrix with her hand on her behind carrying her BDSM tool of choice.

A real Dom knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that boundaries are discussed prior to any interaction.  While it may seem a Dom has complete control of a scene and that the bottom has no say in what is happening, that is not the case. 

Every dynamic has previously defined clear boundaries that the Dom respects and does not cross without permission. This is important to understand because the common experience of women in some public bondage spaces is that a “dominant man” touching them inappropriately during a scene makes them feel that their control is taken away. This is incredibly disrespectful to any dominant and is surpassing a boundary in the BDSM community.  There should be no touching without having discussed limits or without permission, EVER!

Drawing Positivity from the Negative

 A man with his hands tied down to a hard point.

Some Domme’s are able to see this type of behavior and allow it to motivate them to be better, do more, and earn respect from those who really matter.  Throughout history, women have had to fight for their place at the top (both in BDSM and life in general), and are stronger because of it!  Women persevere through everything and are very capable of showing them who the boss is. (literally….with a cane or some twisted cotton bondage rope to restrain grabbing hands). 

Any disrespect really can motivate them to advocate for themselves while maintaining their composure and control.  Being dominate is something that comes naturally to women and the fear of being disrespected should never keep a female dominate from teaching anyone a lesson. Trust me, she doesn’t need anyone's help!

Boundaries and Respect

Dominant woman holding a rope around her respectful sub.

BDSM culture is all about respect even though some may not be able to see being tied down to a chair as such. Respect is a very important detail that should not be overlooked in the BDSM community. Knowing and understanding boundaries is crucial. Not only should partners and participants in a scene respect each other, boundaries and desires, but should respect other participants during their scenes as well.  

So, Dominant Man or Dominant Woman?

Sub being punished by his madams.

Stay in your own lane!  Learning the culture of the community means learning the boundaries of respect.  Not every woman is submissive and not every man is dominate.  Regardless of your preferred dynamic or preconceived notions, don’t get tied up and disciplined by a strong dominant woman thinking she’s less dominant than you! 

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