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11 Mistakes To Avoid Making as a Bondage Beginner

Bondage and Shibari Beginners

Breaking down the meaning of the acronym BDSM.

When one begins to investigate the world of BDSM, rope bondage, and Shibari, their eyes are opened to brand new ideas, concepts, and visual art that cannot be experienced through anything other than bondage.  While excited beginners may want to jump right in and try everything, it’s important for the purposes of safety to start in the right place. What are common mistakes that newbies make that really should be avoided at the commencement of a BDSM journey?

Mistake #1 -- Following Difficult Internet Tutorials

Woman covered in ropes that aren't tied well.

While tutorials have opened up a whole new world of education for BDSM experiences when embarking on a mission of learning ties, make sure that you don’t start with difficult ties and harnesses. This is such a common mistake because tutorials are so readily available. Practicing basic knots is a must before exploring new ties and difficult harnesses, suspensions, and floor work.  Starting with difficult tutorials doesn’t mean you won’t be able to accomplish the complicated patterns, but without knowledge going into the tie you could be placing the bondage rope on parts of the body that it should not be placed or tied too tight.

Not Knowing Places to Avoid

Nerve and blood pathways -- understanding the body is important for safety.

Safety is of extreme importance when making the BDSM lifestyle part of your sex life. Therefore, before placing bondage rope on anyone a practicing top should make themselves aware of the nerve map in the human body. Nerve damage is a very real risk during bondage play if one is not aware of the areas of the body that should be avoided. Not to mention, having an understanding of the arteries and major vascular pathways will prohibit the restriction of blood flow which can cause serious issues with circulation. Rope bondage is meant to be fun and exciting, but knowledge is power in protecting partners and participants during a scene.  

How Tight is too Tight?

While this video may be a little funny and silly in some parts -- please pay attention to the tightness of the rope in all of these beginner ties.  The two-finger rule is incredibly important for practicing rope bondage safely.  

When practicing Shibari and any other form of rope bondage it takes a lot of practice to get the rope just right. Always follow the two-finger rule and make sure that two fingers easily slip between the rope and the bottom at all points. Any rope that two fingers cannot slip under with ease increases the risk of restricting circulation and damaging nerves in that area. Bondage ropes should never dangle away from the body and finding the perfect balance to make sure the bondage restraint stays in place while not overly restrictive is a balance that takes time to perfect. To avoid making the mistake of too tight or not tight enough -- just keep going and practice, practice, practice starting with the basic knots and ties.

COMMUNICATE!

A couple talking.

If any person starts a conversation about bondage, Shibari, or BDSM in any capacity and communication isn’t brought up almost immediately, they are not a strong mentor and you should consider someone else. Communication is the key in any BDSM play or bondage scene. Before the twisted cotton bondage rope finds its way to the front door, partners should have already discussed what their comfort levels are with specific ties, scenarios, and more. There should be agreed-on ties that will be used in beginner experiences as well as ties or areas of the body that will be avoided, and a safe word already prepared if certain activities go too far. Rope bondage and BDSM do not work without trust and communication first! We want to give our partners fun, safe play that they enjoy.

Speaking of Mentors

Because Shibari does come with risks, novice participants should reach out to those in the community to learn ties, do’s and don’t’s, and of course, discuss things that someone with little experience may not realize are important. It might be a good idea to have a more experienced Shibari dominant and submissive to check new knots, ties, and get together to communicate with to make sure the experiences are fun and low risk. A lot of people may find it to be slightly uncomfortable at first to have conversations that seem intimate with someone other than your partner, but it can make the rope bondage play seem really effortless and ensure the scene is safe with the guidance of experienced masters and participants. BDSM will certainly spice up your sex life, but really must be taken seriously. Mistakes should be avoided by gaining knowledge from those with years of experience in dominance and submission.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask

Man and Woman Talking

When choosing a mentor, find someone that all participants are comfortable with so when there are questions no one is afraid to ask.  Don’t be embarrassed or allow anyone to make you feel judged (if you do think you are being judged, you need a new mentor). Always ask questions. No question is a stupid or silly question and having all the information possible will ensure an exotic, sexual, and safe first-time play. And don't forget that they are giving and receiving spanking sessions behind closed doors too.

 Humility

A woman in red bondage rope with make up on.

Bondage is not about boasting and pride. So, showing off while learning this new form of art is not only unnecessary, it is unsafe. Jumping into situations that your skill level doesn’t support just to be “the cool one” puts your partner at risk of feeling inadequate and possibly in danger of an imperfect knot slipping at the wrong time. Taking into consideration the skill level of the top and bottom is crucial to not put either partner in a situation that they are not prepared for. Not to mention, any master in Shibari started as a beginner as well -- no one jumps in as a Master, nor should anyone try. A lot of learning is involved in practicing BDSM to avoid simple but detrimental mistakes that can put a person at risk.

Allow Partners Time to Increase Difficulty

A more elaborate leg bondage tie.

No person should force a partner to do more than either is ready to do.  Whether it is a top wanting to try a more difficult floor tie or a bottom begging to try suspension, no partner should ever force the other to move faster than they are prepared to move. Having comfort in skills learned is equally as important as the perfect knot. Allowing each partner time to be ready to increase their limits is a part of communication and respect that must be followed in this form of BDSM and should be decided together with everyone feeling respected.  

Choosing the Right Rope

Woman holding bondage ropes and EMT Medical Scissors.

Choosing the material of the rope is important for both the top and bottom.  Comfort with the workability of the rope and the feel on the skin are things that should be taken into consideration before beginning a BDSM session. Do a feel test of twisted cotton bondage rope, polypropylene, and hemp ropes. Give some thought to the diameter as well and spend some time just working with the rope and trying to find your desired diameter to start with. Trying out different materials for feel is important before jumping into a scene. Something to consider is where you are purchasing your bondage rope. Quality is incredibly important; and while a department store may have quality meant for the farm, keep in mind that that may not be the right quality for rope bondage. Once you have decided on the rope you would like to use make sure you learn how to care for that specific material of bondage rope as well. 

Go Into Bondage With an Open Mind

A blindfolded woman.

Going into this with an open-minded approach may sound a lot like being willing to try new things; and while that is part of the open-minded attitude, it is also important to be open to the idea that one partner may be ready for less than the other. Being open to endless possibilities is important in the communication aspect. No one should feel rushed or uncomfortable. Continue growing to new levels slowly and together, and understanding that everyone’s timeline is different will make for a comforting experience for all.  

Suspensions

Rope Bottom Practicing Shibari Suspension

Do not rush beginning suspensions! The top should feel completely comfortable with the ties and the bottom should feel blissful ensnared in the ropes. Both partners need to be prepared for the addition of this style of bondage, and because suspension can add a new level of possible risk, ties and knots should be perfect. When beginning suspensions start small, a leg suspension for example. Grow and expand into larger parts of the body being hoisted into the air. No beginner should consider suspensions. Suspensions require practice and perfection of floor ties, knots, and understanding of the rope.

Learn and Grow

A woman licking a man's cheek.

So, if you and your partner are considering trying to join the erotic world of bondage, avoid these mistakes beginners make in bondage and make sure to plan for aftercare. Everyone interested in bondage play must talk about it with their partners, research, reach out, ask questions, and start at the beginning. Focus on safety and enjoy every step of the dominant and submissive journey!  

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