Bondage Aftercare

Why is Aftercare Important

So the bondage session is over, and you are releasing your submissive from their binds -- what can one expect after an intense BDSM scene? Bondage, BDSM, and sex have different effects on everyone's emotional and physical state of mind. BDSM opens up relationships to a different set of expectations and coming back to reality can create needs to bring back the typical dynamics of a relationship outside of the bedroom. Even in a Dom and Sub relationship where the dynamics of dominance and submission remain constant, aftercare is a necessary aspect after kinky sex -- though the dom and sub love affair isn’t necessarily the majority of kinksters. So, what is bondage and BDSM aftercare and why should you prepare for it before beginning the BDSM journey in your wildest fantasies?

What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is tending to the physical and emotional needs of your partner -- make sure to check in with your partner to see how they are feeling after a scene. This is a crucial part to building the connection that is forged through BDSM. After a powerful BDSM scene, one or both of the participants might experience what is known as a “sub drop.” Specifically, because of the term sub drop, it is expected that only the sub or the rope receiver experiences this post-session phenomenon, and that is simply not true.

Couple holding hands

Top and Bottom’s Experience of a Sub Drop

Emotional Responses of a Sub or Rope Bunny

Sex is more than just a physical act, it is very emotional. A sub not only opens themselves up to the emotional act in and of itself, but they also put their trust, faith, and pleasure completely in the hands of their partner. This drives the emotional connection to an even higher level. While practicing BDSM can fulfill fantasies, it doesn’t always align with the way that a person wishes or would like to be treated on a day to day basis. For these reasons after a hardcore session, the rope receiver or sub might need support and reassurance to reset their minds into the familiarity of real-life -- this is where the aftercare plan comes in.

Submissive: Physical Responses Requiring BDSM Aftercare

Though their hands might have been tied sensually behind their backs, the body of the sub really does experience a lot of physically demanding changes and positions. The physical aftercare for a submissive can vary depending on several different things -- the intensity of the bondage session, personal preference, rope burn treatment if there are rope burns, sore muscles from being in an awkward (but sexy) position for an extended period of time. It’s important to talk about what a sub expects or might expect as far as physical BDSM aftercare before beginning your practice.

Woman laying in bed under a white sheet.

Dominants -- Needs for BDSM Aftercare

While most people can understand why a sub might experience these feelings and require aftercare -- most can’t wrap their head around why a dom may experience the same kind of feelings as a sub and need aftercare or emotional support after an intense scene. It’s really quite simple to understand if you think about the dynamics of what a relationship looks like outside of the kink space. Dominants treat their partners in a way that they wouldn’t want to treat them on a regular basis in the power exchange that happens when practicing BDSM. This can sometimes cause them to feel emotional and the sub might need to reassure them and allow them to communicate those feelings in the event that a dom would need aftercare. Not to mention, the physical assiduousness caused by the exertion required of them to tie up or tie down their willing partner -- or even hoist them into the air for the perfect sexy pose.

Different Expectations for Aftercare

Everyone experiences sub drop and the emotions of sex differently and everyone requires a unique kind of aftercare catered to their specific needs. While someone may expect to be caressed and any rope burns be cleaned and treated by their partner, another person may expect their aftercare to entail them to be left alone entirely. This should be a part of the discussion before one starts practicing BDSM or bondage to make sure expectations are very clear and plans are in place to take care of physical and emotional needs in the practicing of aftercare. Especially if this is the first bondage experience, a check-in after the session will be necessary and flexibility should be part of your plan to accommodate needs that each partner didn't know they would have. Talk openly about the needs that are actually being experienced as opposed to how one thinks they may respond to the feelings they experience after a BDSM scene.

Couple touching hands.

Different People Different Aftercare Needs

There are a lot of options for aftercare and coming "back to reality." It’s very important to take into consideration whether or not either party needs space after a session. Anyone that expects to be left alone after a session must be very careful to not entirely neglect the needs of their counterpart while seeking solitude as their form of aftercare. Have a plan in the event that one person's aftercare includes needing space after a scene and the other has needs that are attended to. Both participants need and deserve to have their needs met, so there will need to be a conversation about how to balance those very different needs so all involved feel cared for in the way they need.

What Can an Aftercare Plan Include?

Ideas for aftercare when you’re not sure what you may need through experience include, but are certainly not limited to:

Restraint, sensory deprivation removal
Cuddling, kissing, running fingers through hair, intimate closeness
Discussing the scene and how each participant feels
Talking about feelings that arose before, during, or after the scene
Admiring the beautiful art of impact or bondage play (rope marks)
Treatment for any bruises and/or rope burns
An intimate shower
Bring sexy snacks to support blood sugar which can drop during crazy scenes

Options are endless, talk about it with your partner or partners and find comfort in each other however that may vary for each individual.

Openness, Honesty, Communication From Start to Aftercare

Couple in bed intimately with a shoe on the floor.

There can’t be enough stress on the importance of communication when sex is involved especially when including any kinky scenario. It isn’t optional! Talk to each other, learn each other's expectations, fulfill each other’s needs before, during, and provide aftercare following an intense scene. Take aftercare very seriously, and as always -- have fun!

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